The Token Black Guy

April 28, 2011

Most suburban areas have at least one token black guy. Some are lucky enough to have a few more, but this is very rare. Everybody wants to be this guy’s friend because he is a great athlete and can get with any white girl he wants. He usually just chills and doesn’t say much, but his presence makes the crew that he’s rolling with seem a lot more cool. Suburban kids will invite the token black guy over to dinner at their house because they want to introduce their parents to a person of a different race that they are friends with.


Attending Town Hall Meetings

April 28, 2011

These are very important to the suburban person. Every person from a suburban area thinks where they live is the center of the universe, so attending town hall meetings shows that they are active in their “community”. At these meetings, people gather around, different people scream shit, and nothing gets accomplished.


Commuting to work

April 28, 2011

Suburban people love to commute to work. Each night, about an hour of time is dedicated to the commute for the next morning. Whether it’s getting their music ready or preparing some snacks, the suburban person makes sure he/she is prepared. Most will drive, but some will be lucky and live close to a subway/train. Taking the bus or doing any form of physical exercise to get you there, like biking, is unheard of


Going into the city for the game

April 28, 2011

Making the plan to do something like this is scheduled weeks in advance. Unless you have season tickets, it is a big deal for suburban people to come into the city for sporting events. Sticking with the crew is important because most sports stadiums/arenas are located near inner city places which are dangerous. Everyone will bring a camera and take hundreds of pictures. Upon returning home from the game, a facebook photo album is made immediately.


Getting wasted with their boys on spring break

April 26, 2011

Spring break is the holy almighty time for the suburban kid. They must be sure to let everyone know that they are going to get absolutely hammered with their boys at the beach. Tagging everyone on facebook who will be coming in their crew on the trip is important and it is done to make people not coming feel jealous. During the trip and after returning home, it is crucial to post photos of how cool your trip was and how much everyone else missed out on.


Not knowing how to cross busy streets

April 26, 2011

Crossing busy streets is nearly impossible for the suburban person. If there is a button to press which tells them when to cross the street, then they are in luck and will follow it, but if there is no button, then they are screwed. Typical actions you see will be them stepping into the street and then quickly jumping back, sprinting across the street as fast as they can run, or just walking out into the street and causing traffic and people to honk at them.


Driving everywhere, riding a bike is seen as gay

April 26, 2011

To the suburban person, only hipsters ride bikes and anyone else that rides one is gay. Why bike to class when you can walk 4 miles or drive and find nowhere to park? Riding a bike in the suburbs is unheard of because well, there is nowhere to ride your bike to in the suburbs without entering a highway.


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